Curb Your Elephant, Please

I'll spare you the off-key rendition of "Georgia on My Mind" (substituting St. Louis, naturally), but I will share a few snapshots.

I spent some time in St. Louis this summer and it was unlike any vacation I've ever taken.
It was slow and leisurely.
I didn't rent a car, telling myself it was the environmentally friendly (and cheaper) thing to do. Waiting for a bus on a streetcorner in the blazing midwestern sun and oppressive humidity, you find yourself mumbling, "A lesser person would say this sucks". As the sweat trickles down the valley of your back to absorb into the waist of your jeans, you find yourself chanting mentally, "I refuse to be a lesser person!"

Actually, it wasn't that bad (except the time I got off a city bus at what appeared to be the other end of John's street only to discover the street cleaved in two by a flood resevoir/ditch and had to walk a couple miles out of my way). During a few particularly downtrodden and/or unusual moments, I did have flashbacks to Kerouac's "On the Road", but I consider the whole experience a lesson in perspective. In a car, I would've spoken to fewer people. In a car, I wouldn't have gone through the same neighborhoods. Or corn fields for that matter.

Now on to the good stuff. . . I could tell you about all the sights St. Louis has to offer like The Jefferson Expansion Memorial (AKA: The Arch), The Fox Theater, Blueberry Hill, The St. Louis Symphony, Busch Stadium, etc. But if you really want to hear about all that BUY A TRAVEL GUIDE! I'm here to tell you about the small pleasures.

Vermont may be famous for pimping itself out for its maple syrup and crafts, but they've got nothing on STL when it comes to fudge! You can simply fork over a twenty in VT or you can watch the folks at The Fudgery in Union Station sing and entertain while they make yo' fudge. Audience participation is required to get a free taste at the demo's end.

"Say 'Oh, yeah!'"

And speaking of Union Station (doesn't every major city have one?). . . the one in STL combines a mall and a hotel. Outside there sits a coy pond with paddle boats and a couple more restaurants, including a Hard Rock Cafe (remember when you thought the Hard Rock was so cool as a kid?). Anyway, the building is old and looks quite grand in some places. Case in point, here is a photo of one of the stairwells complete with marble walls, brass railings, wood doors, and stained glass.

Ah, the glories of a bygone era. (Sigh.)


Another randomly cool building in St. Louis.

This is actually the City Hall Building. I bet the black coating/growth on the stone is probably rot or mold of some sort, but the splotchy dark tint makes me like the structure even more.

I went to the Zoo early on a weekday morning and it was heaven! The crowds were virtually nonexistant and there was a cool haze still lingering in the air from the previous night. Passing through a portion known as "The Rivers Edge", I was engulfed in a false, but blissfully idyllic environment. Without the addition of chatty crowds, whiny children, and the like, I could hear everything - the birds darting amongst the trees, the insects swooping past my ear, the soft scuffle of the animals' movements.

Awwww. . . the Ring-tailed Lemur is one of my favorite creatures in the Primate House. Those little black hands and feet are just so cute!

What do you get when you cross a duck with a canine? Why you get a bush dog, of course. Specifically, Speothos venaticus. They live in packs, have webbed feet, love the water, and are as hyperactive as chihuahuas on cocaine.

I like the Hippos, too, because they manage to look graceful while swimming. Does that somehow explain the prevalence of hippo cartoon characters clad in tutus? You know, put them in the right situation and even they can be elegant. Should I be gleaning some sort of "ugly duckling" lesson from this?

And now for the stars of tonight's show, the unsung heroes of zoos the world over. . .

Drumroll, please.

I give you THE MAINTENANCE CREW! (AKA "The Shit Slingers")

As I watched them tackle their duties in the elephant area, I had the overwhelming urge to ask them, "Exactly how much feces does an elephant generate each day?"

Yeah, I know. . . completely dumb of me.

I shall leave you with that little thought. The next post will tackle The City Museum. Don't worry, its not what you are probably thinking.

Toodles!